Patience within the Home

“Lord, give me patience.” This phrase is perhaps one of the most commonly used phrases any household repeats. Rightfully so, for living with others is no small feat and is in fact the first, and recurring, opportunity we have to constantly sanctify ourselves. We are given a family, a tremendous blessing that comes with so much joy and happiness, but it also requires much sacrifice and tolerance. Living out the virtue of patience within the home should be a constant practice that is rooted in genuine sacrifice and denial of ourselves. In the more eloquent words of David Issac, “patience is putting up with the difficulties which keep arising.” As we all know well, each day brings its own challenges and interactions within the family that pushes one to either be patient or not. Whether it is dealing with a toddler tantrum or our husbands’ messy habits, each frustrating or strenuous encounter with a member of our family is another opportunity to grow in holiness, and in our relationship with the other person. Each of those annoying vices, inconsiderate actions, or heated conversations can bring so much more love into the relationship, and the home, when done with a calm and collected heart. 

Now, to be patient does not mean to be submissive. On the contrary, patience is not allowing the vices or selfish tendency of others to run over us but rather to remain collected in moments of frustration, anger, or hurt in order to address the situation in the most calm and prudent  manner possible. Issac describes the patient person as one who, “. . . bears present difficulties calmy, in a situation where he senses some difficulty or some good which is difficult to achieve.” It is our impatience that can quickly lead us to be hypersensitive, irrational, lash out of anger, be quick to judge, make false assumptions, be inconsiderate towards others, and ultimately become self-absorbed. Patience is what allows us to assess the best course of action in any situation whether it be how to address our tired childs’ tantrum or to address the unhealthy habits of one individual that are negatively affecting other family members. Patience allows us to discipline our children with a merciful heart rather than lashing out of frustration, tiredness, or annoyance. It allows us to discuss our differences with our spouse, or even older children, in a way that is collected and understanding rather than prideful. Patience does not just allow us to manage our relationships with our family members in a more loving way, it also helps both individuals in a relationship grow closer together. When both individuals in a relationship learn to work in a united way by remaining calm they can discover the best way to solve whatever challenge they may be facing, which will only bring more unity and good to the relationship. Within a home this is crucial for both a husband and wife because it allows for the couple to endure the challenges they may face when providing for and raising a family. That unity that is formed by practicing patience within the relationship helps the couple to always seek to work as one, and to work in a way that is serving and understanding of each individual within the relationship. 

As a parent the same applies. When we work to understand our child rather than just reacting to a situation, we will quickly learn to better manage stressful interactions with our children in ways that help them work through the situation more rationally and calmly. This does not just help the child, but it helps the parent too. What could easily be a yelling match because a child has lost control of their emotions and the parent has allowed tiredness or anger to set in can be prevented if the parent remains calm and can help anchor the child to react in a more collected way. As parents, we are pushed to our limits of emotional and physical proportions. Yet, in the midst of the difficulties that come with being a parent, God calls us to be patient with our little ones just as He is patient with us. 

An important aspect of being patient with our children is recognizing our childs limitations. With each age comes different levels of understanding, concentration, and abilities. A toddler does not have the same ability to “reason out” a situation the way a teenager would. A small child does not possess the same attention span or will power as an adult would. Yet, a parent may be quick to react with impatience with a young child who is simply acting within their state of development. A parent has to remember that in moments where the child is misbehaving, angry, frustrated, or simply energetic they need to come down to the child's level of development and be able to understand what may be affecting the child’s behavior and how to help them develop patience. Our children did not come with an “instantly understand each teaching the first time” switch. As parents we are their life coach, and it is our responsibility to help each one of our children develop the virtue of patience in small strides in their daily routine. It is our responsibility to help them learn to reason and work through a difficulty with serenity, prudence, and fortitude. The best way to handle this is to remember our child's age and intellectual development in order for one to find the best way to manage the situation that truly helps both the parent and the child grow. 

While patience has the ability to help us grow in how we manage our relationships with others, it also has a deeper psychological and emotional effect on those same relationships. How we react to a difficult situation can affect the other persons’ feelings in either a negative or positive way. If we handle each stressful or difficult interaction with another person with anger or an irritated attitude, we have a much greater chance of making the other person feel like they are more of an inconvenience to us. Rather, if we handle a situation with serenity, peace, and a respectful attitude the other person isn’t just more likely to cooperate in a helpful manner, but they will feel valued and loved. This has an even greater psychological effect on our children which can go on to cause other issues later in life. A child can easily grow up to feel they are nothing more than a burden or inconvenience when each time they annoy or frustrate their parents they are met with irritated and annoyed body language and attitudes. These sort of emotional issues can go on to affect the individual in how they see themselves and how they manage other relationships in their life. Yet, a child that is met with patience has a far better chance of developing more confidence in themselves and feeling that they are loved despite their own weaknesses. Within a marriage, these moments of allowing our emotions to take over rather than showing patience have a way of creating more conflict and separation between a couple. The negative attitude that comes from the frustration with a spouse or annoyance with bad habits will make both husband and wife react in ways that are more self-absorbed than in uniting. The fastest way to ruin a marriage is for a man and wife to think more about how things affect them than how to work through a challenge. When a couple seeks to be patient with one another, they allow their marriage to grow in strength as each individual is accepting the flaws of the other in a way that is loving and kind. When a marriage that is founded on patience thrives, so will the entire family. 

Ultimately, the virtue of patience is one that doesn’t just help us control ourselves in difficult or challenging moments. It is also one that helps to bring two people closer together as practicing this virtue helps to foster better communication, understanding, reconciliation, and unity between both individuals. It takes time to build up relationships, even those we interact with daily. Yet, patience is what will help us to build up each relationship within our home in a way that is wholesome, giving, and truly strengthening. Patience within the home has the ability to create an environment where each individual feels understood and tended to. It is far more welcoming for one to feel that others take the time to understand what may be affecting them emotionally or physically than to feel that others don’t care or have the time. To feel that others take the time to work through a challenge with a calm disposition and peaceful attitude makes one more willing to endure moments of disagreements or tension. It also allows for both individuals to seek reconciliation faster, and in a way that is done with open communication and letting go of pride. Patience within the home makes one feel like they are valued, appreciated, worth the effort, and worth the sacrifices made from a few inconveniences. To be patient with those in our home is to show kindness and consideration despite how something may be affecting us. To build a family that fosters patience within each relationship within the home is to build a home that endures all the imperfections that exist with love, peace, and mercy.