Modesty

Modesty is a word that many today roll their eyes at when said out loud. The sad part is the true beauty of modesty has been warped and misunderstood. Many believe that when modesty is mentioned it refers to just the clothes someone wears, but this virtue is one that has a deeper and broader meaning than most think. It is important to note that modesty is not just about covering up intimate parts of your body. Modesty is also about what you reveal about yourself, your thoughts, beliefs, and how you speak and act amongst others in your life. The virtue of modesty is one that allows men and women to defend their intimacy, the most private parts of their exterior and interior selves, and only reveal them at the right place and right time.

In our over-sharing world, modesty is regarded as being prudish and old-fashioned. Here is the reality when it comes to this virtue, modesty is elegance, dignity, self-respect, class, timelessness, confidence, and self-love. Who doesn’t want to feel that way? The sex appeal that has been brought on by influencers, Hollywood, and the fashion industry has only pressured individuals, especially women, to disregard their authentic and beautiful selves that are meant to be cherished, respected, and safeguarded. Our bodies are a temple, one that deserves to be loved and cared for in a healthy and wholesome way. But how can we respect our body, our image, and our reputation if the message we put out there for others speaks the opposite? Let’s dive deeper into the value of one’s intimacy.

When we refer to intimacy, it isn’t in just a physical way; intimacy is also our thoughts and beliefs along with the things that we share with others about our personal lives. Being intimate is also being prudent about what is appropriate to share about yourself and even about the intimate lives of others. Being modest in this sense would be not sharing about your financial situation with those who are not directly involved or impacted by your finances such as colleagues, extended family, and friends. It is one thing to feel comfortable enough to share certain details with those you have a very intimate relationship with, but in the example of fiances, you simply do not need to share certain details with everyone such as how much you make in a year or how much your brand new car cost. Those are intimate details about your financial decisions that can remain private between yourself and those involved in making that decision, such as a spouse. Other examples of intimate details that should be safeguarded and respected are details about the private matters in a relationship you have with someone. This could be your husband, best friend, parents, siblings, in-laws, or work colleague. You not only have a responsibility of safeguarding your private relationship with another individual but you also are responsible for safeguarding the details of that other individual's life. The personal facts they share with you are private and must be respected. You are being entrusted with intimate details about that person and are therefore obligated to respect their privacy and the intimacy of their personal and interior self. This means gossiping or even just sharing facts about another person's life choices and decisions are all things we should avoid to do in order to respect another’s intimate life and truly master the virtue of modesty. This also applies to sharing details about your relationship with someone with other people where you could tarnish that person's image in the eyes of others. An example would be if you are having a tense relationship with a family member or friend. You shouldn’t go around revealing to others the details of your arguments, disagreements, and troubles because you are responsible for not tarnishing that person's image. When you reveal details about your relationship with another that should remain private you aren’t just being immodest, but disrespectful towards the person you are distant from. Modesty is a virtue that requires practice with oneself and with the people around them. This virtue isn’t just about the words you say and how you speak about yourself, but about others and towards others.

It is very important to keep in mind the image we are putting out there for others to see. Just as how we act and what we say can reveal much about ourselves, so does the clothes we put on our bodies and our hygiene. Maintaining a well-kept appearance is not just an act of kindness to ourselves but to those around us. Think of simply waking up in the morning and just brushing your hair and teeth. That alone makes a huge difference to the people in your family. When you greet others good morning, they will be embraced with a clean and groomed face rather than bed hair and a bad breath. This example shows simply how we portray ourselves to others can say a lot about how we see ourselves. Someone who doesn’t take the few minutes to do some simple grooming and always wears sweatpants will paint the image that they don’t care much about their appearance and are even lazy. If you want to dissect that example even more, you could go as far as to question if this person isn’t willing to take care of themselves, how can they take care of others? Perhaps that’s reading too much into one little example, but it sheds light on how a simple thing can sometimes say a lot.

So what about the clothes we wear, and the favorite question, am I showing too much? The answer is simple, our bodies are sacred and we need to reflect that in what we wear. No, we don’t need to wear turtlenecks and skirts that cover our ankles. But covering up just the “private areas” and still exposing a good portion of your body isn’t enough either. When we wear certain pieces that reveal certain areas, like our stomach, or items that are tight and show every nook and cranny, then we aren’t being mindful of what we are letting others see. Different types of styles can either be classy or trashy. An off-the-shoulder dress can come in a cut that is modest and tasteful or revealing and sultry. Most people today think if they just cover up what’s very private it’s okay to expose others parts like the stomach or have a very exposed back. This idea is far from the truth. When dressing modestly, an individual will attract others in a healthy way. Others will be drawn to that person's elegance, self-confidence, and natural beauty. Whereas someone who is immodest will attract a different type of attention, one that is lustful, critical, and at times scandalous. It isn’t just what we wear that can send the wrong message, but how we dress can have the potential to harm others. How is that even possible? When we dress immodestly we leave a lot of room for others' imagination, especially for the opposite sex.

It is entirely natural for a man to be attracted to a woman and a woman to a man in a physical way. That is the way we were created, after all, we are animals too that have natural instincts and inclinations. This natural tendency to be attracted in a physical way can become harder to suppress when we are enticed by what we see. When a woman wears a low-cut top or dress that shows a lot of cleavage she is not only exposing a part of her body that should be private but she is opening up the door for say a man who might be married to be tempted to have lustful thoughts about her body. The same goes for bootie shorts, skin-tight dresses, very short dresses, crop tops, low-cut blouses and dresses, exposed back tops, bikinis, and sports bras. First, let us clear something up, sports bras are not a top! They are a bra, period. What benefit comes from wearing crop tops? Nothing, and just because “it’s what everyone wears,” or “it’s in right now,” is not a good enough reason. Dressing immodestly will only seek a certain type of attention, and not the attention one is hoping to receive. Seeking the sex appeal, as so many claim to be a valid reason for dressing immodestly, is only seeking attention for a vain reason. The sex appeal is just that, a physical desire that comes from seeing something that is provocative. But what has happened in our society is that the sex appeal is now normal and considered tasteful. This couldn’t be further from the truth. The fashion industry has desensitized the idea of sex and turned it into a fashion statement that is attractive, classy, and refined, and in doing so it has warped so many to believe that if they want to be attractive they have to show skin or act and look sexy. It’s sad because so many just don’t see exposed stomachs and showing some underboob as immodest. So many people don’t realize that this idea and “trend” only puts women and men to be objectified and have their image and their body, as something that is used by others' thoughts and minds. They show parts of themselves that should be intimate while also misrepresenting what their inner self is genuinely like.

Modesty in how you dress is critical because not only will it affect how you feel about yourself but it will affect how others see and treat you. Seeking to be immodest will only devalue your true worth and gain you less respect, especially from the opposite sex. Why wouldn’t we want to be regarded as a unique treasure that was created by our Lord to be loved, respected, and admired in a healthy way? God created us in His likeness and each one of us has been given a natural beauty that should be adored. It should not be objectified and lusted over. Our bodies are meant to be a living temple that is respected and well taken care of. We all should seek to embrace the natural beauty we were given and never take for granted our true worth. We shouldn’t let an industry tell us that our value depends on wearing the latest fashion trend or how much skin we show. Our value is not in how sexy we look but in how much dignity and self-respect we have for ourselves. It can be easy to wonder just how many people are looking for those very same things but struggle to find them because they are too busy listening to what they should look like, what they should wear, and how they should act. No, being confident in your own skin doesn’t mean I am confident in showing off my body. Being confident is respecting your body and seeking others respect it as well. Having true confidence in yourself is knowing how amazing you are, how beautiful your body is, and not seeking to show it off. Modesty isn’t uptight, frumpy, or old-school. Modesty is knowing your worth and not letting others define what your worth should be in order to match social standards. Because the truth is you don’t need to show off what you have to be loved by others, respected by others, or called beautiful by others. Your worth is not your physical appearance or traits. Your worth lies within your soul, deep inside of you. When we seek to live modestly then we allow our soul to shine and show our true worth because there isn’t any loud noise, or in this case, inappropriate clothing and behavior that takes away from it. When we live the virtue of modesty we allow our true self to shine as God intended it to and the world sees our most genuine and true self.