Thanksgiving can be a time of both much excitement and stress. The joy of gathering with loved ones who live far away and getting to enjoy a delicious meal is one that warms the hearts of many. It is a wonderful time to give thanks for the many blessings we’ve received that year and to enjoy the company of those around us. While there are many fond memories of the turkey holiday, for many it can be a time of stress and anxiety. For some families the only sense of unity is when everyone sits to eat the Thanksgiving meal that’s followed by a weekend of everyone doing their own thing. Through the years I’ve heard so many negative or stressful comments about Thanksgiving being more about secular things, pleasing extended relatives, or simply counting down the days for the holiday to be over. Why is that? How is it that the holiday of gratitude that is supposed to bring families together is one of the most stressful holidays to prepare for and can divide individuals? Here is just a list of a few things I’ve seen take away from families spending time together or individuals dreading the holiday.
-Black Friday: This commercial holiday has turned what should be a day of resting with our loved ones into a race to snatch the latest gadget on sale which results in many families not spending time together. You have people who cut Thanksgiving short because they need to go camp out the night before to get their dream surround sound system. Why is buying a luxury item you don’t really need more important than devoting time to the family that’s visiting, the kids who are growing up in a flash, or the wife that slaved away in the kitchen for two days? This is one marketing strategy that has caused many to shift their priorities and miss out on some precious time with loved ones.
-Hosting: You got picked to host this year and now you’re counting down the days for it all to be over. There is a huge list of things to do like cleaning the house and cooking, but add to that list the weight of unrealistic expectations we set up for ourselves on everything having to be perfect, or other people’s expectations. We can easily be driven to compete with last year's host, wanting to go extra to show off, or wanting to fulfill every request and desire because saying no would make me stiff. Sometimes being the hostess drives us to dread the holiday because of the responsibility and workload that comes with it. How about rather than worrying about everything being perfect and pleasing everyone, we simply do what is within our financial and physical means.
-The table talk: Oh the dreaded “issues” that are bound to come up at the dinner table. This is probably the most relatable one for most families, and the hardest to control. Yes, the inevitable dinner conversation with controversial issues that simply lead to arguing, frustration, and more than one ready to call it a night. While no one can control what another person will say or which topic they will bring up, sometimes setting those boundaries for the holidays is a conversation that needs to happen prior to everyone gathering. It can take some time for families with this sort of problem to reach a point where the table talk is pleasant and enjoyable for everyone and not a circus ring gone wild.
It is pretty natural for the holidays to involve some level of stress, even some friction when you spend an extended amount of time with individuals you clash with. Yet, despite the differences and occasional annoyances, it’s very important to set those aside and focus on the positive. We each need to make an effort to contribute warmth and kindness to those around us during the holidays. While that is easier said than done, it is essentially the key to making the holidays a pleasant time for everyone. This can take a little time for some, but when we seek to put our differences aside and interact with a loving heart to those around us, the holidays can quickly become a time of true unity and gratitude. Our attitude, priorities, and effort into focusing our attention and time to others will truly change how we see the holidays and how we remember them.
After prioritizing spending quality time as a family and changing our attitude towards the negatives of gathering, how can we plan a Thanksgiving weekend that fills our children's minds with warm and happy memories, and allows everyone to grow closer to one another? The answer is just a few simple and fun activities that are more focused on enjoying the moment with those around us. I am so grateful for the wonderful memories I have about Thanksgiving with my family. My parents embraced this holiday when they moved to the states before I was born, and they truly embraced what it meant to gather and give thanks versus all the excess surrounding the holiday. Yes, the food was and still is amazing, but it was always more about being together, catching up, and sharing than just eating and leaving. Thanksgiving day consisted of several chefs somehow managing to cook loads of side dishes and desserts with one oven while others sat outside smoking the turkey or watched the kids as they played. Dinner was always a loud and fun time as we indulged in the amazing feast before us catching up with the extended family and friends that joined us in the evening as the kids ran around the house not really caring about the food. Laugher and ten different conversations happening at once would fill the air. But it didn’t end there, the next few days were simple, quiet, but they were filled with joy and unity. Leftovers were eaten for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. The kids would play throughout the day, some would enjoy some board games, and in the evening we’d throw together a last minute movie night or bonfire with leftover pie. Some years we’d put together a little baseball game out in the pasture and by the end of the weekend the Christmas boxes would always make their way from the attic to the living room and we’d chop a tree down in the woods and trim it as a family. Simple, relatable, and unifying. That is how it should be. As we’ve grown up and grown our own families we have maintained that focus in the days following Thanksgiving, to focus on enjoying this time of rest and finding moments to enjoy it together, as one family.
As the next few days go into full gear and you find yourself wanting to bring more moments of unity into the holiday weekend, remember it is the little things and the attention we give to one another that counts. It isn’t about having the whole weekend planned with activities or spending a fortune on supplies to make it more grand. Thanksgiving is about giving thanks for what we have before us, what has been given, and what is to come. It is a time to rest and enjoy the moment that is right in front of us with a tentative heart. With that said, here are some simple ideas and activities that can help fill your Thanksgiving weekend with moments that unify the family and allow you to reflect and truly give thanks.
-Attending Holy Mass on Thanksgiving morning: Though Thanksgiving is not a religious holiday, that doesn’t mean we can’t add a spiritual touch to the day. Afterall, the day is all about giving thanks and being grateful, and what better way to show that gratitude than attending mass to thank Our Lord for his countless blessings that year? This isn’t just a beautiful way to bring Christ into the holiday, but it’s a lesson and tradition that can be passed down to our children. It is the opportunity to show them that even the celebrations or successes of the human world are not possible without God’s help. The idea of attending mass might seem daunting at first, but that short break from cooking that we give to Christ is just one of the small acts of thanksgiving we can give after He has given us so much more.
-Bonfire and s’mores: A fall time classic, s’mores by a warm fire on a crisp autumn night is just one of many simple activities that never disappoints both young and old. Enjoying a warm cup of cider while telling stories and singing songs is a wonderful way to bring the family together and make lasting memories. To make it a little extra satisfying, consider having the kids be a part of preparing and setting up for this activity. The kids can help with gathering firewood and prepping the snacks, giving the family an extra activity to do together and a great way of turning work into play. Mom and dad don’t need to do all the work. Kids love helping and especially enjoy the satisfaction of having contributed to making an important moment happen, even if it’s as simple as s’mores and a bonfire.
-Baseball game: Bring out everyone’s competitive side by throwing together a baseball game, or any other family favorite sport. This activity isn’t only going to provide great team building opportunities for members of the family, but is a great way for the whole family to unwind and enjoy some good fun. You never know what the outcome will be and there is certainly going to be plenty of laughs and jokes to share later. You’d be surprised how much fun a friendly competition can be to those playing and the cheering fans.
-Cider making: Cider can be a quick and easy treat to whip up for everyone, and if you notice the kids getting restless or bored, this can give them a little something to do in the kitchen. With just a few ingredients, and some supervision, the family can enjoy the fruits of their labor while enjoying some quiet time or a favorite movie.
-Pine cone picking: Perhaps my all time favorite activity, and one that can be as long or as short as you want it to be, pine cone picking can become a favorite in your house. Keep it simple by just filling your baskets with pine cones that can be used for decorating the home or used for numerous crafts like ornament making and birdfeeders. If you want to make it more exciting, make a game out of it for the whole family seeing who can collect the biggest or the most in a certain amount of time. The wonderful thing about this activity is you get to make it your family’s own.
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