The season of giving is certainly in full swing as wrapping paper crinkles in houses everywhere and ribbons are being laced on packages both big and small. The hustle and bustle this time of year brings is one that has been eagerly awaited by many. Yet some can’t help but feel that their generosity is really only being done out of obligation, and that reason alone is not right. But what is the obligation? “Oh, well, my friend bought me a present so I have to go get them something now.” Sometimes it could even be as simple as, “I want to get them something special and big, something that says I put a lot of thought and energy into it.” Here’s the thing, generosity shouldn’t come with conditions, standards, or praise. The standard society places that because it’s “Christmas” you have to buy gifts, or the mentality that generosity lies with buying material things or gifting just because, and even the personal desire to seek recognition for our generosity and thoughtfulness, all actually go against the whole meaning of the virtue. To be generous is to give of oneself in a way that seeks to give to others what they truly need, not necessarily what they want, and that it is done so in a way that does not seek recognition or praise. I will argue that what people will always need less of is material things. It doesn’t matter if they want the latest video game, that cashmere sweater, or another toy. The greatest gift we can give anyone is ourselves, which of course can be in many ways, but one very particular way is the gift of our time.
Before we understand the gift of our time, we need to understand the virtue of generosity and what should be the correct motives for which we seek to be generous to others. David Isacc describes a generous person as one who, “acts unselfishly and cheerfully for the benefit of others, conscious of the value of his help and despite the fact that it may cost him an effort.” Because of our human nature we easily become interested in what others have to offer than whether if the act is genuinely generous. In other words, are we looking at the action alone, or the person’s motives. Take the example of donating to Goodwill, for some donating their items at the Goodwill drop-off is seen as just a dumpster drop-off, an easy way to get rid of my trash. “Oh, but I’m donating, so it will look like I’m generous or charitable.” Versus someone who realizes they have six winter coats and that they only use three, instead of keeping them all to just have “more”, giving the extra three away so others who are in need of one may have it. A huge component of generosity is to be grateful for what we have and being able to conform to having less.
Honestly, less is more and we live in a world that so heavily advertizes and markets the idea that we need the latest and greatest goods. For those of us who are fortunate to have the means of buying the things we want without a worry of not being able to afford those luxuries, we have a harder challenge ahead of us. It is much easier to spend the money you have on things you don’t need than to not have money and not buy the things you want because you have to buy the things you need to survive. Yes, that is a mouthful but it’s also a truth that I like so many face. I’ve been there where I want to but that super cute Christmas decoration because it would look amazing on the mantle, and I can afford it. But do I really need it? Do I really need another throw pillow? Do I need a sixth nutcracker for the house? It is easy to become materialistic in a commercialized world, and learning to be satisfied with less, to say no when we don’t need something just for kicks, and to be grateful for what we already have. Generosity requires gratitude, moderation, and at times restraint. When I say “restraint”, I’m focusing more so on restraining ourselves from wanting only for ourselves, thinking about ourselves, and what we get out of something. Basically, to be generous we have to restrain our selfish inclinations so that we may be able to genuinely give to others. Learning to live simpler and to not live in a world of excess by detaching ourselves from material goods and our selfish desires, allows us to have genuinly generous heart.
Now, this doesn’t mean that it’s wrong to buy gifts period, or that you can’t be generous to some by gifting material things. What it means is we should not limit our generosity to material goods and allow our motives for gifting to be selfish or follow a social norm. I certainly have purchased gifts this year that I intend on gifting, but it was done out of love, generosity, and seeking nothing in return. There is no “if I buy them something they will get me something.” Trust me when I say I have had that mentality before, and it’s not one that sits well. But, when we have a truly generous heart, then our motives for our generous acts become selfless and can be truly classified as charitable. Our motives for being generous should require effort on our part. Now, writing a check doesn’t take the same effort as painting an ornament to gift. We have to use our logic and reasoning to guide us in how it is best to put real effort into our generous actions. Remember that the circumstances can also influence our motives and even how much effort we put in. It’s easy to be generous with those you like versus those you don’t. Sometimes we fall prey to gifting because we seek repayment or that things are done for our benefit. As mentioned before, those would require very little effort and are selfish motives, both of which go against being generous. Our motives should be influenced by the desire to help others and to meet the needs of others. This is where prudence comes into play. Satisfying the needs of others just because is not the same as meeting their actual needs. Just because your nephew wants the latest Xbox game doesn’t mean he actually needs it. Maybe what he really needs is to spend time kicking the soccer ball around with someone that has a listening ear. Instead of buying the Xbox game, get him a new soccer ball that you can both play with. Through prudence, we can make a proper assessment of what others needs are and learn to understand them better. This is how we can shape our attitude to be one that serves others and what will guide us in identifying the appropriate effort needed to preform generous deeds.
So if you are buying a gift just because someone expects it, perhaps rethink how you can be generous to them in a way that they may need and that you are able to give of yourself to them. Take the idea of making your gifts verus buying them. A small jar of homemade hot coco mix will be a thousand times more meaningful than a hundred dollar sweater. Homemade gifts can be so much more meaningful to the receiver because what they feel is, “wow, this person took the time to make me something special with their hands, and made the time to create it for me.” What they feel is love and ultimately see that a generous act was done out of selflessness. Again, don’t seek the praise, but seek showing someone that you care and that you enjoy giving of your talents and time to make them feel loved, appreciated, and valued. Now, as I stated several times, gifting material things is not the only way to be generous. More times than not, what people really need now a days is the gift of our time, which is a form of generosity that can require the most effort and selfless mentality.
Yes, gifting time is a thing, and oh how we need to give of it more these days, especially to those closest in our lives like our family and friends. David Isacc says that we need to be “willing to sacrifice for the benefit of others something which we could use for our own benefit.” What is one thing we all say we would love more of? TIME. Yes, how precious our time is and if only we had more of it we could do so many things we want. Sometimes we find ourselves valuing our time the way we value money or gains. But time doesn’t have a pricetag or should not be confirmed to a color coded, tight schedule. To give of our times means we sacrifice the time we would spend doing the things we want in order to serve others to give them what they need. A child that needs his father to listent to his troubles at school is far more important than scrolling through social media. The time to help a daughter bake cookies for school is far more important than responding to a text that could wait an extra 45 minutes. Gifting of our time is not something that comes easy, but it is a virtue that allows us to give one of the greatest gifts we can offer, which is love.
How do I gift my time around the holidays? That is an answer that is simple and may take some creative thinking, but it also comes with putting in the most effort. Consider scheduling dinner with a friend who needs some girl time and you take her to her favorite restaurant. A beautiful way to show her you care because one, you are going somewhere she likes, and two, you are making the time to spend one-on-one time in conversation and memory making. This is such a precious gift that she will cherish always. Another great way is to host a cookie baking soiree with either your girlfriends, sisters, the whole family, or maybe just the kids of the family. How much fun it will be to use your baking talent to make tasty treats with those you love while having fun and being creative together. To add an extra touch of generosity, suggest donating those cookies you make to a local pantry or church Christmas dinner. It’s ok to sneak a few for yourselves. Another great way to gift of your time is to plan a date night out with your spouse or maybe individual date nights with each of your children. Plan a fun evening that is exclusive to each member of your household and that is filled with some of their favorite places and activities. It doesn’t need to be lavish, expensive, or stressful, it just needs to be thoughtful and done with love.
Essentially, giving of your time will depend on the individual you are gifting to and what they are most in need of. Placing the effort in planning, preparing, and actually taking the time to be there is how generosity can help us grow in virtue interiorly and grow closer with those around us. Giving of our time requires sacrifice on our part. It requires we put aside our wants, needs, and desires so that we can clearly see what it is that those around us are in need of. Generosity is having a heart that seeks to serve and that seeks to give of ourselves whether is be our talents, our wisdom, our energy, our resources, or our time. If we put ourselves aside and put all our brothers and sisters, those we know and don’t know, first then we begin to live the true meaning of this season. But generosity is not seasonal. This season of giving is meant to remind us of our duty as children of God to serve others and that we must do this each day of the year. Because when we serve others, we are also serving God. Let us reevaluate what is means to be truly generous and remember that Christmas is not just the birth of Christ, but the birth of the one who came to give us all what we needed, not what we wanted. Christ came to serve, He came to serve each one of us and calls us to serve others. He came to give of Himself, and He did give His whole life for our salvation. Let us remember that is His true gift to us and it is the gift we are each called to give with a grateful and generous heart.
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