At the human level, forgiveness doesn’t make sense. Forgiveness is something that can only truly make sense at a divine level, which is why we may never fully comprehend its deep meaning until we reach Heaven. When we look at the hurt others have inflicted on us, we find that it is not easy to forgive. Because of the pain we feel, we tend to want others to pay for their wrong. Despite our human frailty, Christ calls us to show love and forgiveness to all, especially to those who have done us wrong. It doesn’t make sense, how can I love someone that has hurt me? How can I let them get away with the wrongs they have done to me? God gives us the answer in the greatest event in human history, the Passion of Christ. The most innocent of us all, Christ, persecuted and put to death, was still able to forgive and love the very people that were killing him. We have the greatest example of sincere forgiveness, of mercy, right there in front of us on the Cross. Christ forgave because it is the right thing to do and because God calls us to forgive just as He forgives us. It is that simple and yet most of us struggle to truly forgive others.
Why is it that we struggle to let go? Pride. Ego. Seeking Justice. Revenge. Anger. All these are common and natural responses we exhibit when others hurt us. They are our human reactions to things that hurt us or we do not like. However, when you take all of that out, there is still something left that makes it hard to forgive, and that is pain. You see pain comes in many forms and it has such a deep effect on our mind, body, and even our soul. When others hurt us, it isn’t just the pain from the wrong they have done to us that hurts, it is the scars that stay on with us that cause us to continuously hurt even long after something has happened. We often hear that we should forgive and forget, but we can’t forget. As much as we try we cannot erase our memories. They will always be a part of us, but while we can never forget the pain we have endured, we can learn to live with the scars. Sometimes those scars have a way of emitting little flare ups and we feel some level of hurt as we remember the wrongs others have done to us. It is perfectly natural to feel sadness when looking back at a painful memory, not all scars heal the same and some can leave a dull sensation or a small limb that you have to deal with the rest of your life. What a painful scar should never do is rob you of your peace.
The secret to forgiveness is letting go, and we let go by not letting the pain and the memory of that pain take away our peace. This is far easier said than done, but it is exactly what Christ tells us to do. We cannot begin to move forward if we cannot learn to live with scars we are left with. Just as someone recovers from a physical injury and must allow time for their injury to heal and strengthen through therapy, we too must allow our hearts to recover from the hurt of others and seek to strengthen the love we have for them with time. Forgiveness means we constantly choose to love and show love despite the pain we endured and the pain we remember. After the Resurrection when Christ appeared to the apostles with the scars from his Crucifixion there was a reason for that, most likely several. For one, it was proof that he was the risen Lord. It was proof to Tomas that he had died and risen. His scars are also a remembrance of the suffering He endured to obtain our salvation. A memory and testament to His love for us. With that memory, there surely must be some pain that is remembered of the suffering He endured. Yet, all that pain found within those scars remind us all of how great the love there is to endure such cruelty.
We are each called to carry our cross, to bear our scars and give endless love to others, especially to those who have done us wrong. He is calling us to show the same mercy Christ showed on the cross, and the mercy God gives each of us when we sin. Finding peace in forgiveness is looking at our scar and being able to carry on with endless love despite the soreness we may feel at times. It is not letting the injury stop us from living life, showing love to others, or growing in holiness. “Blessed are those who have been persecuted for righteousness sake, for theirs is the kingdom of God.”
Christ knows what we are going through, He understands the suffering that we go through better than anyone. Yet in the midst of that suffering, He is calling us to forgive. Through life we go through many instances where others hurt us through their selfish actions, their unkind words, and their mockery. Despite the things that are said to us, the insults, name calling, teasing, and rudeness, we must each strive to not let those actions or words rob us of our peace. The hurt we endure should not stop us from moving forward towards a life that follows Christ and seeks holiness. The hurt we carry shouldn’t tear us down but rather motivate us to continue to get up every time someone tries to push us down, and more often than not when others hurt us it is by accident. The pain others inflict on us is not always from malicious intent but rather by impulsive reactions, frustration, and immaturity. This doesn’t necessarily lessen the pain, or justify their actions, but it can help us to be more understanding of those who hurt us which can allow us to forgive better.
Forgiveness isn’t something that we just give, it is also something that we should seek. Forgiving others takes great amounts of love, maturity, and mercy. However, seeking forgiveness takes a great amount of humility, and it can bring us so much closer to the ones we’ve hurt, but especially closer to Christ. Seeking forgiveness requires we recognize what wrong we did and that we own up to our actions accordingly. It can be easy to hurt others, but it is extremely hard to admit we are wrong. Because of pride, so many of us miss the opportunity to grow in humility and to reconcile with those that have suffered at our hand. We should not let our own pride get in the way of us growing individually and growing with others. When we seek forgiveness, and obtain it, we taste what mercy and love is truly like which allows us to be more ready to forgive others when the roles are reversed. One thing that is certain, it is never too late to seek forgiveness.
Finding peace in forgiveness ultimately relies on our ability to love in places where it may be hard to feel love. As hard as it can be, that is exactly what we are each called to do. As St. John of the Cross so beautifully said, “Where there is no love, put love and you will find love.” Yes, we need to put love in the places where we hurt the most, we need to love those who hurt us the most. It can take time and it won’t be easy, but we must start with small steps and allow ourselves to grow in that love. Little by little we will see how God allows for the pain to fade and how He will bring endless peace into the areas, or relationships, of our life that have perhaps been the hardest. In the end, when there is true forgiveness, we find peace.
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