Within our homes, it is important we recognize that there are two different types of spaces, intimate and communal. Each one of these is essential in a home, but balancing where each space belongs can be a bit tricky. We are seeing more and more that some communal spaces are becoming intimate spaces, and that each member of a family is growing their personal radius and becoming more territorial, slowly restricting the areas in which a family bonds to only a few square feet. Let us take a look at a few ways we can allow for more areas in our home to become spaces where we can grow as a family and which spaces are meant to be private and peaceful.
Creating an intimate space has everything to do with building an environment that is serene and peaceful. These spaces allow for silence and tranquility to exist in a home which allows for members of the family to have a treasured escape from the hustle and more active parts of the home. Within these calm spaces, we create an environment that is respectful of the silence and stillness that is needed for those seeking a quiet oasis. The study or family library, the kid's workspace, the master bedroom, and the bathroom, are all intimate spaces that require us to understand not just the tranquil environment that is needed but the boundaries that we must respect as well.
The rooms of a home each hold a distinct characteristic and purpose, and within our families, we must strive to use them for what they are intended to be. This does not mean on occasion we can’t break the norm a bit and have dinner in the living room. But if we turn that into an every night scenario, then we deny ourselves, and our families, intimate time with each other that can be shared over the course of a meal. This is why it is important to remember that each room serves a purpose and that we need to respect each space within the home because when we do so, we are able to respect the individuals that dwell in those spaces.
The master bedroom is one room that requires respect and silence. This room is the retreat for both mom and dad to unwind and relax from the heavy lifting of their responsibilities each day. It is a place they can seek solitude and silence for personal reflection and time to clear the mind. But this room is also a space that requires respect, for it allows for the intimacy that is much needed in a marriage. Having a quiet and private place where the parents can discuss, relax, and bond as a couple is critical to ensure that the relationship is nurtured and can remain healthy. Privacy for the mother and father of a home is critical and children must be taught to respect that boundary as well as practice behaving in a manner that allows for that intimate space to remain tranquil. This is as simple as teaching children that if they want to crawl into bed with you early in the morning, to do so quietly so as not to disturb the other parent that is asleep. Or perhaps, teaching them to knock and wait for someone to let them in. This goes for any bedroom in the home. Learning to respect the privacy of parents as a couple can begin at such an early age and allow for children to learn about the many boundaries that exist within a home and that exist within different types of relationships.
An important note is that not every intimate space is equal. The master bedroom requires the most privacy, while a child's room is a space that would be less restricted. It is important that parents respect their children's personal boundaries, but their children's bedrooms shouldn’t become one that is strictly off-limits. We see today that many children, especially teenagers, prohibit their parents from entering their rooms. The door is always closed and locked, and a parent must first seek permission in order to enter. At times when there are discussions or even arguments, a child will go as far as to kick their parents out of their room. Have they forgotten who actually pays for that bedroom? Parents must respect the privacy of their children as well as allow for them to have a space they can unwind and relax in. But it should never reach a point that when a parent needs to enter their child’s room, they can’t do so without written permission. Children must learn that their intimate space within their parent's home is a luxury and one that they must earn through trust and respect. That privacy can easily be taken away if they show they are not fit to have it.
The truth is the entire home is an intimate space, but each room holds a different level. We must respect the privacy that is asked from another member in our home when they seek alone time. But we cannot allow ourselves to become individuals that seek to spend more alone time than with our family. It is a balancing act. If a child needs to study, his siblings must learn to respect the privacy he needs to read his books whether it be in his bedroom or the library. If mom and dad are having a discussion in their bedroom and the door is shut, the children must know to wait till they come out or knock if the matter is urgent. Respecting when others are using the bathroom can be one of the hardest at times because it’s the most shared, private room in all the house. However, a quiet and calm knock versus banging at the door is how we can respect those who are in use of the bathroom. It becomes a gentle and respectful way that members of a family share intimate, private spaces and learn to respect the privacy others seek.
Once we identify the intimate spaces, we are able to see where we are more prone to bond as a family. The kitchen is perhaps the most communal place within a home because it is where we break bread together. With each meal comes conversation and time to bond over a meal that was most likely created by those same members within the household. It allows for growth and reflection as well as learning to share. We learn to share not just our food, but about ourselves, our goals, and aspirations. In these moments we turn a communal space into an intimate family space where love grows. This is as it should be and we can find many other parts of our home that do the same, such as the living room, the backyard, or the playroom. When we learn to share the communal spaces with those we live with, we allow for deeper relationships to grow through the moments that are shared and the respect that is nourished.
The communal spaces that we share with others can become intimate spaces that we bond as a family, but only when we put others ahead of ourselves. When we interact with others in those spaces we must remember that we are not alone and to take into consideration how the things we say and do might affect those in the same room. If you’re walking into the kitchen and someone is on the phone, not yelling and being mindful that they are in a conversation with someone else. If you are watching a movie and your sibling is studying in the next room, perhaps keep the volume down. If you're laying on the couch and someone walks in looking for a seat, sitting up and sharing the couch is one of the many ways one can be considerate towards those that share the same communal spaces. When we are considerate and mindful of those around us, we are not only sharing in the communal spaces as it should be, but we turn them into intimate family spaces that allow us to grow closer and stronger together. When we do so, we are able to have more intimate relationships with those in our family.
These teachings and practices that we exhibit every day follow us into so many other aspects of our lives. When we learn to interact with others in our home we are more likely to exhibit the same virtues and habits with others outside the home like our coworkers, teammates, college roommates, future spouse, friends, and even the guests we invite into our home. Mankind was not meant to live alone, we have to make the effort to respect the boundaries and privacy of those we live with when they ask it, and when we ask it for ourselves. But we must not let solitude become the norm, we must constantly seek to grow in intimacy with those in our home by creating those intimate spaces and respecting the communal areas where we create a stronger family that is ultimately nurtured by love.
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