This time of year seeking growth typically comes to the minds of many. With Spring around the corner, many of us reflect on the many ways to grow in our life. We may find ourselves reflecting on how we can grow with others as well, particularly how we can grow in those relationships that may be in a bit of a drought. Just like we want our garden to flourish, we also want each of our relationships to bloom to their full potential. Some relationships may not be where we want them to be as a result of numerous things. Perhaps physical distance has caused both individuals to fall out of touch, the romance has dried out with your spouse due to monotonous routines, or some in your life have moved on to another life stage and you find you have less in common than before. At times we may be experiencing a strain in a relationship due to growing apart in wants and taste or as a result of recent friction. Regardless of what the cause of the dry spell is, there is always a way to bring some life back into a relationship we may be struggling to help flourish.
It’s important to recognize the areas of weakness within the relationship. What is causing this dry spell to begin with? Is it a lack of availability or time? Is the communication poor? Is there a lack of commitment or effort to follow through on plans? Are there unresolved issues or a need to open up about some friction? Is there nothing in common anymore? It is perfectly normal for relationships to evolve and change, yet sometimes that change isn’t in the most desirable or enthusiastic. Once you identify why there may be a lack of growth in the relationship it becomes much easier to come up with creative ways that will allow the relationship to grow positively. We can sometimes want to push the relationship to improve quickly. Our desire for things to be better can accidentally make us force the relationship to be what we want which can oftentimes hinder us from focusing on the areas that actually need more nourishment and care. When we want results, we put too much attention to making things happen versus putting our energy into positive reinforcement that allows the relationship to grow organically. Just as a flower needs to grow at its own pace, so must our relationships.
If we feel one of our relationships is a little wilted, the best thing we can do is take care of it in ways that actually promote genuine and healthy growth. Relationships need positive moments that nurture and unite both individuals to build up a bond and build that closeness between the two. We also need to allow each individual to open up at their own pace as the relationship is fostered. Perhaps one person has a harder time opening up or there are external factors that are affecting their ability to grow closer to you. The tactics used to bring new life and refresh a wilted relationship depends on the dynamic and circumstance of that relationship. The best thing to do is to find ways that create a healthy and uplifting space where both parties can feel comfortable enough to open up, and create a positive space for the relationship to grow without it feeling restricted or forced. Some tactics can work better for some relationship types, but the most important thing to remember is to have patience, be flexible, and to be open to trying new things. Here are a few tips and creative activities to refresh those relationships in your life that are in need of some extra nurturing.
-Reaching out and opening up the lines of communication.
Sometimes we don’t realize that all a relationship needs is just a little more attention and communication. A simple text to see how things are or making a phone call that is long overdue can make all the difference. Even if you occasionally send a quick hello, trying to increase the frequency of the communication can be all the remedy needed to help the relationship along. You would be surprised how this little ounce of effort can help both individuals grow. It doesn’t always have to be substantial, sometimes quick little checkups are enough to help both grow a little closer together. The important thing is opening up the lines of communication so that both individuals can grow closer together, even if it's in small strides.
-Discovering a new passion together.
If you feel like your relationship with a friend, family member, or even your spouse is becoming dry, consider finding a common new passion to share in. There’s so many things out there that can allow for you both to bond over such as a new show, podcast, or book. Maybe you’ve both been interested in specific topics or historical periods. This could be the perfect passion that helps you both share in something new where you will have opportunities for in-depth conversations that allows each individual to open up at a more profound level while encouraging quality time together. Finding a new passion doesn’t just allow you both to grow closer together but also promotes educational and personal growth as you indulge in meaningful conversation and study of a specific topic.
-Prioritizing time together.
We think we never have enough time, and that can be the truth, but when it comes to our relationships we need to prioritize the time we dedicate to each one. When it comes to our spouse it is extremely important we set time apart from our monotonous routine for just them, and time that is fun and positive. As a couple you need time alone with one another to be able to open up about personal struggles, sharing recent accomplishments, or just laughing about some of life’s moments. Make the effort to set regular date nights that add some change to your routine schedules and break up some of the mundane structure you may be feeling in your relationship. Maybe you can’t do this weekly, each couple is different, but when you start to feel like things are getting dull, you need to quickly set that time together even if it is as simple as a at home movie or dinner night. Not just our spouse, but our friendships require us to make the time to spend quality time with those individuals.
-Following through on realistic goals.
Part of maintaining any relationship is following through on plans and commitments made whether it be with your spouse, friend, or relative. We can easily get lost in the chaos of our busy lives and find more than one reason why we can’t commit to our plans. As creatures of habit we can also fall prey to our own unwillingness to get out of the routine or put more effort in because we are tired. The best way to follow through is by setting realistic expectations when it comes to making plans or promises. When you commit, be sure it is something you can see yourself actually following through on. Sometimes we want to make a weekly lunch date with a friend a goal, but discover it isn’t easy with other commitments already on the schedule. Instead of every week, aim for once a month or so. This becomes much easier to commit to and allows both sides to plan in advance before either one's schedules fill up. While it may not be as often as you would like, setting realistic goals within your relationship removes the pressure to overcommit when we find ourselves stretched thin. This allows both sides to be more at ease and even more eager to engage with one another.
-Finding things in common to bond over.
If things feel like you just aren’t finding common ground with someone or that the relationship is always tense and cold, the best thing to do is focus on just a few things that can build up the relationship by breaking the ice. We easily focus more on the negatives of a relationship versus the good, so taking a moment to reflect on what are common interests is just the start to engaging in more pleasant and wholesome conversations. You don’t have to force the questions all at once, but from time to time look to ask questions about the other’s interests or things you know they enjoy doing. Seek asking questions that dive deeper into the individuals passion or interest of a specific thing, allowing them to open up in more depth. Show enthusiasm when engaging in this while being attentive. Listen more to their response and allow that to influence how you continue to build the conversation. Find topics that are of interest to you as well where you can also share some of your own excitement and interest on the subject. This tactic, as elementary as it may be, is a great way to refocus on the principles of relationship building to help revive that relationship that may feel a bit distant.
-Starting a book exchange.
If you are looking for a creative activity to do with someone that isn’t necessarily a huge time commitment, consider a book exchange. This fun activity allows for both sides to enjoy a common interest where you will have the opportunity to not only engage in meaningful conversation but grow to know more about the other person's thoughts and perception. Each person picks a book to read and as they read through they leave little side notes along the pages with their reaction or thoughts to points along the story. Then, both exchange the book and as they read they will also get a glimpse into the other's mind and thoughts of their perspective of the book. For bookies, this can be a fun way to grow together, and it's also a great way to bring together those who live further away from one another.
-Joining a club or starting a regular hobby together.
This activity is a great way to combine multiple things into one. Joining a local organization or club can help break up any monotonous feeling you may have in a relationship and gives both individuals something to look forward to. It’s a way to commit to something that’s positive and engaging where both can enjoy quality time together while learning a new skill. Cooking classes can be a fun way for couples to learn to work together without the stress of home chores or responsibilities. Joining a club that interests you and your friend can be an easy way to commit to time together where you can also enjoy a common passion. Book clubs, charity organizations, or art classes to name a few ideas are some fun ways to bring both friends together to enjoy acquiring new skills or simply engaging in wholesome activities.
-Start an accountability challenge.
Accountability challenges can be a great way to force, in the healthy sort of way, both sides to commit to one another. Who doesn’t love a good challenge? Not only do they promote individual growth and discipline, but it also helps build up the relationship in a way that allows you both to rely and depend on one another. These can be some of the best ways to strengthen a relationship. Perhaps you both are in need of making some health changes to your life. Consider starting a new workout challenge or diet where you have regular check ups with one another to see how the progress is going and to encourage one another to grow in those areas of weakness you keep falling to. There are tons of challenges out there that it’s just a matter of finding the one that speaks to both of you. Consider prayer or spiritual challenges like daily readings or specific prayers if you both are looking to grow in your spiritual life. The important thing is to pick one that interests both and encourages you both to improve in certain areas of your life that need healthy growth.
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